if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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