Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize