At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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