I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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