i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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