and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
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Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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