If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize