i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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