i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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