throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never un-have a 4some
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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