I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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