she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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