we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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