She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize