Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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