You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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