Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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