God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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