How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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