Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize