my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
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Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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