Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
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Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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