My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize