Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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