he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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