You're my little dorito
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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