I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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