If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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