she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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