I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize