weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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