i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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