were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
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I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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