rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize