I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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