I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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