I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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