I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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