When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
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I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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