so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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