I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
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i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
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If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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