Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize