walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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