did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
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What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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