My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
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I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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