sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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