Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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