i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize