the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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