Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
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Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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